Ugly Boy Fresh May 15, 2013
I’m dying. I’m Suicidal. I’m killing myself slowly. That’s what I’d hear if I were lighting up Newports like I used to when I was thirteen. That’s right, the menthol with the chilly draw. The one that fooled you into thinking your breath was alright because of all that minty taste. If you loved me you’d show me how I was statistically killing myself. But I quit a long time ago. I quit before I really got started. But we all have a form of cigarettes.
What’s your Addiction?
If you’re a guy or girl who can’t live without sex, where I’m from you’re a hoe but in Hollywood you’re called a sex addict like this dude. If you can’t stop buying shoes you’re a sneakerhead. If you’re Chris Brown you have Rihanna. Perhaps you have a a bunch of girlfriends that you entertain online, in your DVD player, or your in your favorite smut rag hidden under the bed? You my friend, need to wash your hands.
If you can financially support your habit the term addict gets downplayed. If it isn’t something that is seen to be directly affecting or ruining the live of those around you, it’s no big deal. If it isn’t talked about in the local D.A.R.E. campaign it ain’t that bad. I thought the same way until I really looked at my cigarettes.
I Only Smoke…
My cigarettes come in a box. They’re sold at the store and they have many flavors. You’ve smoked them or had them in your house. You probably even used them as a kid. That’s how I got my start. It started with Fudge Rounds, Oatmeal Cream Pies, and Swiss Cake Rolls. Then it was heavier stuff. A high metabolism was my currency so no one could tell how much I was using. I was always very skinny so I couldn’t relate to people who complained about fat.
When I settled down and got married in 2004, I noticed that my addiction was starting to show (physically) but I still felt alright. People were telling me that I was too skinny and the little bit of extra weight looked good. By 2008 I had started growing into a Klumpkin and have been up and down since. I did rehab in the form of P90X, I was seeing results but not like the infomercial because I was still getting high.
The danger of any “drug” is the accessibility. I can afford to buy a bunch of boxes at $1.79 and it not affect my family. It becomes easier to justify doing it because it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t have to hoc my TV or my wife’s wedding ring. I don’t have to bust my daughters’ piggybank to get my fix. So I can easily dismiss my addiction because I’m not looking like I was bit by the meth monster. With this thought process I’m deceiving myself, enabling myself and most importantly killing myself.
This Has To Stop
About a month ago I was binging. At work I had a couple of doughnuts, then I got home — maybe two hours later — and couldn’t stop eating junk. I was getting more depressed with each bite. I was saying to myself “why are you eating this? You don’t even want it”. It was at that moment I realized that these “harmless” cakes and junk were my cigarettes and I’m sick. I saw that I couldn’t stop, I remembered my grandfather losing limbs, then I convinced myself that I must do better.
We all come to that turning point where there is something that has control over us and it takes a power greater than us to help us. I prayed to God to help me with this. I was able to quit cold turkey about three weeks ago. No gradually weening myself off, I got sick and tired. I AM DONE!
I’ve noticed that my joints feel way better. I was feeling like I was in my 40’s some days. My memory has improved dramatically. There are also some obvious physical advantages like weight loss (that’s been rapid also). I’ve never had a acne problem but I’ve noticed my skin tone balancing out. I bet a person that quits nicotine feels really good after a while. I know I feel really good about starting to overcome. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want sugar (diabetes) and I don’t want to lose my legs. At the rate I was going I would be.
We all have cigarettes, a nicotine, a crack, a heroine or sorts. It may not be important to others but you know if you’re being hurt. Today you too can make a change. I’m still a work in progress but I believe in prayer. I pray everyday and with faith I believe God will keep on helping me. We don’t have to be trapped in anything we don’t want to be. I want to live. I’m on a journey to stay off these cigarettes.
What’s your version of cigarettes? Comment, Share on your social networks, let’s have a conversation here!